mondays?

I feel so much better, why should I ever have to worry about that?
I ran for 10 minutes, got off because my calf hurt like hell. So I went to the bike, did that for like 3 minutes. Went to elliptical did that for 10, back to bike. Then back to the treadmill. By then my leg didn't hurt, so I ran it out. So that's exciting.

And back to work, of course. Then gym, then video games/cooking/movies/books etc. The weekdays start again.

Pretty sure Chelsey is back on the not wanting to like me stage again, as if I cared. 

And as always, pic related.

the second rule.

The greatest harm can result from the best intentions.

Kindness and good intentions can be an insidious path to destruction. Sometimes doing what seems right is wrong, and can cause harm. The only counter to it is knowledge, wisdom, forethought, and understanding the First Rule. Even then, that is not always enough.

Imagine giving money to a bum, in kindness. Who in then decides to buy a knife with the money to kill someone.

excuses?

I let it all build up until I don't want to deal with it anymore. I don't like people in general, so I guess that could explain the actions tonight. Loud, obnoxious, and so it goes.

Good movie, by the way.

I used to have this thing for this girl named Caitlin. We went on this mission trip together, and for a brief time in the madness of my life I think I fell in love. I've never had such a strange click with someone that I admired as much as I did her, but it happened. And then it stopped.

I've never gotten butterflies in my stomach from holding hands with anyone else in my entire life, maybe this should change.

story time:

"Where are we?" Said Fireman Jones.

"Nowhere you want to be." The higher ranking Petty Officer said.

No one cared about rank then, but everything counted on being specific and calculated then. Lives were endangered. As if that was initiative for some people to be more serious.

In the middle of an Aircraft Carrier sinking. Who would have thought? 93,500 tons of steel to back up not being sunk, but apparently it could happen.

"What if I died, in the middle of this mess, sir?"

skeptics and nonbelievers.

Not dealing with it, at all.

Let me talk of endearment, and what I mean by it. Arrogance is another word for babble. And that's what I plan on doing. Babble moment for Mr. Adam Mischke.

My plan in life is consecutively meet new people and change their thought process. To a higher decree if I can say that. And honestly, if some one plays at my level I would love it. Those are what I'd like to call best friends. Think outside of the box.

I love you, imagination.

And as I say drunkenly. I'll go to sleep a little later, and wake up later than usual. Thats the weekends for me.

For as if I had a love, I'd spend my time with her.

I miss it, so much. I miss love. My wrists hurt from typing. Please come to me soon, I've been waiting too long.

Please come, I love you.

friday

Very few times I have had the extraordinary feeling of love and happiness. So utterly carefree that I could crash my car, get killed, and die happy. I remember it happened when I was in the car coming back from Florida listening to music, and once when I was in the car with the windows rolled down during Autumn with coffee and the heat on. I laughed, and in the pit of my stomach I had a hand squeezing my insides in such a happy tight knot. I was happy where I was, I was happy how blessed I was in my life. I didn't care about work, and how much it sucked. I didn't care about all the stuff thats been going on with Chelsey and I. I didn't even care if I'd end up ever in love. All I knew, was that I was.

I was watching as the grown ups talked about work today, at this going away party. The only stirring in the crowd were the kids. So carefree, so happy, so uninterested in what we were doing. Why don't we focus on kids more?

restless

My mind has been at war with each other for a bit.

As in who am I to give my love to?

I haven't really given any consideration at all to my actions, since I've been winging it for a week or so. Words may blurt out, affections may take place, who knows.

I picked up Dead Space 2, and to say the least, it's scaring the shit out of me. It reminds me off the time watching my brother play Resident Evil, or Silent Hill when I was like 10. So scary.

Other than that, I've been fairly busy with life: Working, Running, Eating, and Reading. I'm starting to go a little OCD with my diet that I'm trying but it's okay. I haven't drank any carbonated drinks in weeks. My leg was acting up a little when I was running today, but hopefully that'll go away.

Besides that, I'm on day 3 of my celibacy strike which I hope at least lasts a month, hopefully more.

And as a last note, I have this to think about:

Do you think God wanted us to live this long?

I mean, it's an obvious yes since we still are. But why do I have to clean out my ears from earwax?

scatter brain

Up until now, I had forgotten the dream I had or that I even dreamed last night. So out comes the iPhone for thoughts that I had throughout the day:

I had a dream that I went to school, as old as I am now and saw the people who went to school there. Mr. Lindsey was still there, being his hippie self. As I went into his room, I remembered familiar faces. Mal was there, sitting around so I sat down and ate next to her. I had a feeling of worry in the pit of my stomach, which was me getting in trouble for being there. Then I remembered that I was a grown person, I curse like a sailor. Ha.

I remember going outside and someone had dumped snow all over the ground, so they canceled school. When I tried to leave, some of my friends took something from my car so I had to find them.

(Gah I hate being vague, but I can't remember much.) </end dream>

My drive to work was interesting, considering I realized that we're all blind. If I weren't, I'd be able to see the stale cold molecules in the air fizz with energy when the heat starts kicking into my car.

Also that we trust people entirely too much, the person ahead of me only a couple of feet in front of me in a tunnel doing 50. What if he stopped?

Simplicity, in small

Things that make you happy are the only things that matter;

You can think that drinking alone on a Saturday night it boring, or maybe you think I'm lonely. But I wasn't either of those, at all. Besides not remembering how or when I went to sleep, I talked to a bunch of people online and texts while listening to old ass video game music. Ha.

I told a girl I barely know that I loved her,
Sent pictures of myself to a girl I've known for a long time and just recently started talking,
And apparently hit on Cameron last night.

Who knows?
Either way, I just bought a PS3 and Little Big Planet along with a 5 buck box from Taco Bell and I'm the happiest I've ever been.

My favorite part of today would have been if the lady at the drive-thru told me: "You're Welcome!" after I said thanks in a cheerful voice.

fitness

This morning, I woke up and microwaved my water this morning, in the only glass cup that I have. Put on my blue camo gear for work, and almost ready to go, until I heard a pop in the microwave. 

"Shit, that better not be what I thought."

I looked at the glass, empty with no water in it. And disturbed, I had remembered that I had not put any water in it.  Not that it broke, but it did crack. My atmosphere cracked.

Dreams that came upon me were strange. My Grandma had remarried to a rich young person, he took me out shopping. And in between that, this girl from my work, Tamara who was complaining and talking behind backs came upon me. Which was more about me coming upon her, since I saw her and went. Either way, we scrambled at arguing about trivial conquests and answers, but at some point we lessened. I went back to my house and felt a connection toward the hate and discontent of the girl. She ended up turning into my friend Nadds. Which I inevitably ended up falling in love for. 

Then I woke up, the glass cup happened, and I went to work.

Now I'm tipsy, holding my tongue to everything that has happened.

Why? Because I like you.

time

"I used to be a cashier once." He says.

Was I really? How many years ago? My parents bought me this PEZ dispenser for Christmas, and I'm not waster compared to a keeper so I began to eat it.

Take a deep breath and remember that 1990 was 21 years ago. In less than 8 months, I'll be of legal age in our fine country to drink. Not that I didn't in 4 other countries when I went out on deployment, ha. Italy, Turkey, Dubai, and Bahrain. 

I've been in the navy for 2 and a half years. That's a long time, I think.

When I meet the women of my dreams, how long from now will that be? I mean to follow right on behind you, time.

Discipline

is what I need. To only get what I need, not always what I want. To learn, is what we do. We advance in positions to become less like beast, and closer to what? A God-like figure? People in a society that could love eachother, share eachother, and grow with eachother would be too perfect.

"People are stupid; given proper motivation, almost anyone will believe almost anything. Because people are stupid, they will believe a lie because they want to believe it's true, or because they are afraid it might be true. People's heads are full of knowledge, facts, and beliefs, and most of it is false, yet they think it all true. People are stupid; they can only rarely tell the difference between a lie and the truth, and yet they are confident they can, and so are all the easier to fool."

The weather outside is getting warmer, and I'm continually happier growing as the human being that I am.

Chewy

So as I eat what might be my most favorite cookies ever, I consider what to write today:

I woke up this morning in a daze,  I had slept for right around 11 hours total and had so many dreams, I couldn't remember most of them. I almost thought I was dying because I kept having childhood memory ones. Like when I used to eat lunch with Shane, John, and Robbie. And then I had one where I went back in time as myself and talked to my old friends. It was the strangest. I got off early today, went home and ran. Then went to ice cream and smoked a cigarette, I'm full of contradictions today, aren't I?

So after I figure out what I want to do with the rest of my night, I'll probably go to sleep and do it all over again. Someone needs to change my routine.

mines & wines

How long has it been honestly? Since we've even talked, 2 years? And out of the mass texts that I sent the other day to a bunch of old high school friends, you were the only one to keep up more than small talk. She's grown into something amazing.

I'd say that you'd been wrong if you thought this far in your life when you were in high school. And maybe I have an answer why I'm so obsessed with high school and it's drama. It's as simple as that is where the first molding began, where my life became beautiful with distort and role models. Where I began to feel a sense of belonging, a yearning to become independent and inspire people. To only take from the highest shelf not so much material, but determined. 

But I can say I've changed into a more confident person now, more well rounded in interests, and more understanding. Moderation is the key, be moderate in everything.

Now I'm rambling on about myself. Did I mention I'm an alcoholic? And as far as my love life goes, I'm going join the circus to become a juggler again. I hope that's clear enough, welcome to the dark side.

Fridays are for,

Starting off a Friday (which is considered to be the weekend) is important. I've learned that being tipsy ensures me to think twice about every decision I make. 

Which in the situations that I'm in, observing driving, thinking before speaking, and texting is very considerate of an inconsiderate Adam Mischke.

Although, I'd like to think myself not inconsiderate, but rather picky in my situations and conversations. 

If I were rich and androgynous in that role, I would act as professional and business-like as Mr. Chuck Bass.

Again with one of those Male role models I look up to in certain TV shows. I.e. Huey from the boondocks, Ichigo from Bleach, Jim from The Office, etc.

I will always base my consideration on those I look-up to.

When T.V. series' ends, or books series' end I feel empty;

Without dialogue.

My life is not enough with out fantasy and drama.

Oh, and Chelsey? Come get me.

Look,

I can tell alot about someone when they look at me. Blank looks all of the time scare me. 

I'm a geological person when it comes to society, I see hidden imposes and reactions alot. When a conversation happens, I dissect the words into meaning. And implication of gesture turn into perception. It's just when people don't get it is when it roils my attitude, changes my idea of them, and deems them slower.

Sometime I wish I could be like this guy.

I'm about to grow out, like a plant stuck in a fertilizer bag. 

Some stay loyal, I'll take the better route.

Questions

How do make an underwater tunnel?
Why does it take at least a a button push and a half to warm your hands from a dryer after washing them?
What am I doing with my life?


Find me, love.

Coffee and Cigarettes

I'm a sinking submarine, trapped under the weight of the sea. My life, as steady as is seems is worked by many people, all working gears, screws, and rutters to change my path and speed. Most people live their lives like this, friends and family are what make you. Along with your own personality, judgments on actions will determine your intents.

Have you ever been in love with the idea of someone? To love someone more in your mind, than in love with them. To go without talking to them and then to finally see them and not feel the same feelings as those imaginative made ones? Who is your imagination to make up feelings for some one in your life? Since you don't physically think any different about the person, infatuation must be a subliminal thought. Not in whole, but in part obviously.

I like Fran, but we don't have that spark.

What is the speed of sound in seawater?

Turn your hue down a bit,

Bring the brightness down a notch.

Skittles Vodka last night, along with fixing my mirror.

I can't wait to go to sleep.

Breathe?

I've been dehydrated lately on the ship, I think the fumes from all the rust, metal, and paint have gotten me week. I've decided that Fridays are my limit push for running, I got stuck at 1.4 miles in 10 minutes, 150 calories (I've been trying to get 1.5 in 10.)

I also decided, on my way to work this morning that I am an atypical time signature. That's right folks, in the world I would call myself 3/4, 5/8, anything that doesn't have to do with 4/4.

Gossip Girl.

I planted the seed, down deep within the sand. The sprout will cover the entire ocean, I told them. Now watch it grow.

Drama much? I think so, I strive for fire. And I'm not feeling the heat. Save me, before the fireman does.

Spring

Duty day on this aircraft carrier of sorts. We all went to the movies the other day. As awkward as it should had seemed, I shrugged the idea away. The hilarity of racism in the movie was incredible. While others threw their minds in another direction, I like to stick my mind where I put my money. Now she doesn't talk, as if I ever cared. For some reason, I do.

She still wants me? Doesn't surprise me, arrogant much? The relationship thing with me is always so strange.

Where do I go now? Forward, not backward. Let's keep it that way, let's roll. Until she decides to change her evil ways.

The light bright blue sky of spring is upon us. The sun shines bright, warm resilient rays while the cold wind whips by. Oh, I have missed this. Possibly more than I missed winter and autumn before. I wait patiently to bake on the sand during the summer. I seldom daydream about the warmth of her skin on mine, but I do now. I beg.

Location:Windward Pl,Chesapeake,United States

lookie, lookie.

STOP!

You now breathe manually,

You now blink manually,

You are now aware of the ringing sound in your ear,

you are now aware of your tongue in your mouth,

 Uncross your feet.

In other writings, I'm doing well. Got all my stuff for work straightened out. Content.

So, now I wait for the candy to tempt.

Ascension.

So according to the Illuminati, The Statue of Liberty is a Lucifer. That's what I learned during duty all day yesterday. I'd like to take the time to be a bit existential. Where do we go when we die? A person answered: At the end of death we go through a flashback of our lives the problem is, this is the flashback. Say a certain religion is correct, and gains their reward at heaven or paradise. How fair or reasonable is this to the billions in the world?

And he who defines his conduct by ethics imprisons his song-bird in a cage.
The freest song comes not through bars and wires.
And he to whom worshipping is a window, to open but also to shut, has not yet visited the house of his soul whose windows are from dawn to dawn. 

- Kahlil Gibran "The Prophet"

What do you think?